Mastering Deep Listening: The Hidden Skill for Mediators in the Philippines

Mediation in the Philippines has grown significantly over the last two decades, with laws such as Republic Act 9285 (the Alternative Dispute Resolution Act of 2004) institutionalizing mediation as a vital tool for resolving conflicts outside the courtroom. Whether in business disputes, workplace disagreements, or community issues, mediation offers a way forward that is collaborative, efficient, and humane.

Most discussions about mediation emphasize active listening. Mediators are taught to pay close attention to each party, to reflect back what is being said, and to identify underlying interests. Yet, there is a deeper layer often overlooked in standard mediation training in the Philippines: the skill of deep listening.

Deep listening is not only about listening to the parties. It is about the mediator listening to themselves—their own beliefs, biases, and inner “programs” that may unknowingly shape the outcome of mediation.

Why DEEP Listening Matters in Mediation

In any mediation setting, there are always three players in the room: Party A, Party B, and the mediator. We often assume that mediators are neutral observers who simply facilitate dialogue. But in reality, the mediator’s presence deeply influences the process.

• The words we choose when framing questions.

• The body language we use when one party speaks.

• The silences we allow or interrupt.

All of these small actions send signals to the parties. And often, these signals are unconsciously shaped by what we, as mediators, bring into the room—our personal histories, cultural norms, and deeply held beliefs.

For example, a mediator who grew up in a culture where respect for elders is a strong value may unconsciously defer to an older disputant, giving them more space to speak. Another mediator who personally dislikes confrontation may unintentionally steer the conversation away from heated but necessary exchanges.

This is why deep listening is crucial. It requires the mediator to become aware of their own inner landscape, so that they do not unintentionally impose it on the parties.

Understanding “Programs” Through the Circle of Humanity™

At The CoRe Group, we use the Circle of Humanity™ framework to help mediators understand themselves and others. In this framework, every person carries four interconnected layers:

1. Values – the inherent principles that guide what we find meaningful (e.g., respect, fairness, family).

2. Programs – ingrained beliefs and cultural norms shaped by upbringing, education, and experience.

3. Attitude – the lens through which we filter our responses to situations.

4. Behavior – the visible actions and words we use.

Conflict often manifests in behavior, but its roots go deeper. Mediators who practice DEEP listening learn to notice their programs... the ingrained beliefs and biases that shape their attitudes and behaviors.

For instance, a mediator with a strong belief in hierarchy may unconsciously side with a manager in a workplace dispute, even though neutrality is required. By listening to their own “programs,” the mediator can catch themselves before this bias shapes their questions or demeanor.

Active Listening vs. DEEP Listening

Active listening is about the parties. DEEP listening is about the mediator. Here is how they differ:

Active Listening

• Focuses on understanding what the parties are saying and feeling.

• Identifies interests, values, and emotions of the disputants.

• Helps the parties feel heard and validated.

Deep Listening

• Also focuses on understanding what the mediator is bringing into the room.

• Also identifies biases, assumptions, and cultural programs of the mediator.

• Helps the mediator remain neutral, aware, and grounded.

Both are essential. Without active listening, the parties may feel ignored. Without deep listening, the mediator risks unintentionally tilting the process.

Examples of Deep Listening in Action

1. Workplace Mediation: A Case of Miscommunication

Imagine a workplace dispute in the Philippines between a young employee and her older supervisor. The employee feels her ideas are constantly dismissed, while the supervisor believes she is being “disrespectful.”

A mediator trained only in active listening might focus solely on clarifying each party’s interests. But if the mediator has not practiced deep listening, their own cultural program about “respect for authority” could creep in. They might unconsciously nod more when the supervisor speaks, or frame questions in a way that validates the elder’s perspective.

By practicing DEEP listening, the mediator notices this inner bias. They pause, acknowledge the pull of their cultural program, and intentionally balance the airtime and validation given to both parties. This self-awareness prevents the mediation from being skewed.

2. Government Mediation: A Community and a Public Agency

In government mediation, especially in the Philippines where agencies like the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) and the Department of Environment and Natural Resources (DENR) often mediate between citizens and institutions, deep listening is vital.

Consider a mediation between a local government unit and residents over a proposed infrastructure project. A mediator who strongly believes in “development at all costs” may unconsciously push parties toward compromise too quickly, minimizing community concerns.

DEEP listening allows the mediator to step back, notice that their personal bias is surfacing, and re-center on the true purpose of mediation: creating space for dialogue where both development goals and community needs are given weight.

This kind of inner listening ensures that mediation remains a fair process, even in the highly sensitive context of public decision-making.

How to Practice DEEP Listening as a Mediator

Developing DEEP listening is an ongoing practice. Here are some strategies used in advanced mediation training in the Philippines:

1. Self-reflection before sessions – Take five minutes to ask: “What beliefs or biases might surface in this case?”

2. Mindful pauses – Notice physical reactions (tension, nodding, irritation) during mediation. These often signal internal programs at work.

3. Peer debriefing – After a mediation, reflect with a fellow mediator: “What came up in me that may have affected the process?”

4. Journaling – Keep a log of moments where your neutrality felt challenged. Writing makes patterns clearer.

5. Continuous learning – Attend Philippine mediation workshops that integrate values-based approaches, cultural sensitivity, and emotional intelligence.

DEEP Listening and Mediation Training in the Philippines

Most standard mediation workshops emphasize skills like reframing, summarizing, and option-generation. At The CoRe Group, we emphasize that deep listening must be part of a mediator’s core toolkit.

Our Philippine mediation training programs integrate both theory and practice:

• Role plays where participants are not only asked to listen to parties, but also to track their own internal reactions.

• Reflection sessions where mediators examine how their personal values influenced their interventions.

• Coaching in real cases where feedback includes not just techniques, but also self-awareness practices.

This approach equips mediators to manage not only conflict between parties, but also conflict within themselves.

Why DEEP Listening Strengthens Mediation Outcomes

Research and experience show that parties are highly sensitive to a mediator’s presence. Even subtle biases can erode trust in the process. Deep listening ensures that mediators remain truly neutral, which in turn strengthens the credibility of mediation as a whole.

In the Philippine context, where mediation is still gaining ground among lawyers, businesses, and government agencies, the integrity of mediators is crucial. If parties feel that a mediator is biased—whether toward authority, age, or gender—the reputation of mediation as a fair alternative to litigation suffers.

By practicing DEEP listening, mediators safeguard not only their cases, but also the larger movement to promote mediation in the Philippines as an effective, values-based approach to dispute resolution.

Conclusion

Mediation is more than a process of talking and settling disputes. It is a human encounter shaped by words, silences, and unseen influences. Active listening helps parties hear one another. Deep listening helps the mediator hear themselves.

When mediators cultivate this hidden practice, they prevent unconscious biases from distorting the process. They create space where both parties feel genuinely heard, where workplace conflicts can be resolved without lingering resentment, and where government-community disputes can lead to trust instead of mistrust.

For mediators, Deep listening is not optional—it is essential. It is the inner discipline that transforms mediation from a technique into a truly transformative practice.